Missing!!!

ATTENTION!!! there are something missing. But what are they?? let's list out.

tue: Sparks flew early morning. double J "shouted" at each other over project. Seeing this, i almost fear a repeat of '05 incident. fortunately both are matured now. sitting by the side, as an on-looker, got to say both are at fault for the wrong usage of tone and words respectively. Actually i got it first from one of the J when he arrived. though i feel a bit "buay song", but at the end, i just laugh off and give my reason. This is when i realised i seems to lose my fiery temper. If one yr earlier, i guess i would have replied in a hostile manner. Like what i did to that J in camp. (omg, how come all is J.. LOL!! so 'qiao').

chatted with Samuel (41 Rec) over msn. So surprise when he mention i changed. when i asked further, he said i don't have the Aura now unlike the past. perhaps, it is when he saw me last wk at JE mac. Got to admit though, i am not as commanding now. of cos this is due to the situation i am in. I do not need to be commanding, nor do i need to lead anyone, which is why the aura is missing. LOL. funny thing is he said he preferred the past me. More confident and more assurance. LOL! hmm, of cos i got to agree i am lacking in confidence now. Doing things i am not excelling in. Not that i am good in military knowledge, but at least i am confident enough to do it. Now i am not even confident enough to handle a simple calculation!

wed: vin bday tml! he msg me to go. I refused and it sparks off a few heated exchange of sms. He is an ox, just like me, Sturborn. only thing is being 12 yrs older, he is worse than me. this time round i insist on not going. And guess he sense it and reply in a very "bo shuang" manner: ' okok la. i noe my bday not important la.' I sense victory, my first ever against him since i aways give in in the past. Victory should be joy. however, i know i did wrong since i am not feeling happy abt it.
sop msg me at night to ask if i am going. I insist on not going though i am not so sure myself. reason being i really feel like a stranger there. though i know most of them, but somehow i had already drifted off from them which make me feel weird mixing with them. Sop wanted to meet me earlier and she agree to help me ease back into the grp. though i feel that the idea is not good, but i feel bad rejecting her good will. So guess i will be going for the BBQ! ( realised that Jokes say the right thing during MAF, i treat girl different from guy. LOL. cos when he offered me moon cake i reject flatly, but when germaine offered, i just take without asking. BUT I GOT TO HIGHLIGHT: i am not ZHONG SE QING YOU. i just dunnoe how to say no to a girl. LOL!!)

thur: was on the way back from tuition and on the bus i saw this police trainee. he was alighting from the bus and he become "kan chiong" when he could not find his ez link card in his bag. it seems normal to be in such state, however, when i saw it i feel disappointed with it. Such thing is so minor and he already behave in such manner, i cannot imagine what happen when a real robber appear. fortunately, he is still a trainee. this lead me back to my cadet days. Was not known as a composed guy as i always fumbled in "fire and movement" (service term only). And my instructor will scream at me and compared me to Mr Composed (clifford nah) saying i should learn from him. During one of the evening, Clifford came over to my bunk as usual and we sit there to crap, and i ask him how he kept his composure. His replied is simple: i don't even noe what is going on, how to be 'kan chiong'. that is Mr Composed for the instructor. Haha, anyway, after service term, my composure did improved, but not by using clifford's method. LOL! seriously, i think i am now more prepared for any sudden change than before. And though i 'siam' away from the balloons during MAF, it is because of the Loud boom which is bad, and not because i am scared. I just don't like the loud BOOM.

Jin talk abt signing on as infantry officer after graduation. this is partially inspired by the generation kill show, but like he say, the interest will be gone as soon as it come. I myself is an infantry officer, though i had not been in war or anything close to operation, i got to say that being an IO SUCKs. cos we are basically man with rank, more responsibility than the rest and doing more things than the rest. Just say i am LAZY! LoL!

speaking of leading and responsibility, perhaps i should change my mindset and try to run for SP as APD or PD. it might be a good experience since it is leading a different bunch of ppl. Army leadership is different as there is a fixed way to settle things and fixed way to handle stuff. The idea is not too bad, but for now, let's try one OC first to learn the rope! Observe and see if i can do better. Testing own limit!

alright, quite a long one. nxt wk is BUSY with tuition. I had not 'open my mouth yet', maybe i should do it once i am done with this post wish me luck!