rough period!

things has not been smooth lately. enough said.

was having a slight fever yesterday. initially feel like not going to work and trial. but decided to go ahead as i still can walk and think and i do not want to miss too many trials.
work was as usual full of slack time. now that they shift me to another corner. i am like a totally forgotten man.
trial was not really good. as in for myself. supposed to be my turn to slack since trial one i did the talking but i did it again. guess i still cannot talk in front of others cos i think my instructions were not clear enough. safety wise. woosh. i am terrible. they are blindfolded yet i just make them walk fast. bad. secondly, i think i am too stiff in my giving of instruction and it is so army style though i tried my best to stop it but i do find it hard as people are talking all over.

fever has slightly subside. i just hope it will be ok by sun as there is passion run. though i believe i will be walking half the distance given that the last time i run is 4 mths ago.

jason ask me this qn: how do u lead a group of people who is your friends?

this is interesting. since now i have nothing to do at work, i shall talk abt it.
this type of leadership is different from the army way of teaching. though we are so called train to lead, but the first reason people respect us is becos of our rank. with it, punishment can be dished out when thing is not going right. for example: chatting away during a brief. No emotion is involved as well when punishment is given as these people are not close. however, for a group of friends, they know us as a person, and being friends, rules will all be forgotten and it is definitely harder to get people to do things especially when being friends especially good friends.
this is just my opinion.

personally i think i succeed in the army way, not that i use rank to punish people, but there is a certain respect given initially. at the end of it, it is still how much i fight for the mens' welfare and rights, that i slowly gain their full respect. of the 4 batches, i guess i can only count the mono batch of 41 as a success. the least educated, most "beng" of all, yet they do have this basic knowledge of respecting a person not for his rank but for his ability. to hear what some of them say to OC during the live range really pleased me so much that how i wish i were their PC and not just a roving one.
ok, now for the second method which is more common in the outside world. i fail miserably. not that i cannot do it. but usually i prefer a back seat. letting people who is vocal enough to do it which is why i tell jason that he should be able to do it with ease as he can communicate well with everyone but i take much longer to warm up to a person. for example, jason can approach a stranger easily like how he talk to jin on first day of poly. for me, if not for someone to approach, in the case is solley, i guess my three yrs in poly will just be sitting one corner and shut myself up.
communication wise, i am still seeking ways of improvement. certainly, my prefer mode of working is also a factor. i do prefer a quiet, behind the scene style of working, whereby people absorb all the success while i am an unsung hero. this is why i find it hard to lead a group of friends.

3 things i learnt in this few days.
1) get the things u want urself and nv ask/borrow/get from people. (in this case, my things mean those which are physical like CAR. of cos when work like project and studies are involved, seeking a friend help is still possible)
2) things are never going as planned no matter how well the plan is, it is how u react to the changes that is going to make the plan work.
3) quatity of friends is not important but the quality is.

guess i am writing this while undergoing rough patches whereby i just wish i can be left alone.

****thinking of her****