a look at this, i find myself calm.

gone are the days where i can sit out there and listen to the chirping sound of the crickets, the rustling of the leaves and the howling of the wind.
Gone with it is the self assurance, self confidence and determination.

the 730 days are always the days where the self motivation is so high. though i spent almost a year in shitty moment or hell as my mates like to term it. But it was through hell that we realised our strength and make us strong enough to go through the rest of the 365 days.

suddenly i felt myself dragged back to the lowest point again. "not that bad", some might say. and of cos it is not that bad as compared to what was worst before. But just felt tiny in this huge environment.

a yr left, and it only meant i had live a tiny life for the past 2 yrs. one look and i realised it had not been spent meaningfully. true, i had made lots of new friends, made some wonderful self discovery, but it is just so different from what i imagine, what i hope for before i enter this phase of life.

i just wish this one yr, i can become the one that i known for years, not the one who become tiny in a huge world. Or like what we said when we enter this new phase, "this is a longer version of the 38wks, and it supposed to prep us for our following 1 yr." whatever it is, i just want my "extended 38wks" cut to 2 yrs instead of 3. And just start doing something meaningful.

a little self motivating post? perhaps!