i have booked my ippt! 21st MAY! i got exactly 2 wks to train after my last paper.
guess i shall aim for a silver and call it a day. forget about gold. it is hard to achieve when i don't have the discipline to run at all. i am even worried that silver is too tough for me. LOL!!
but with pride at stake, i shall work hard towards a "near gold yet silver" standard.

was having lunch at techno and somehow we were chatting abt signing on stuff. keith was talking about how demoralised it was when he failed to get the contract after his failure to get into OCS for a certain bullshit criteria. in fact i can relate to his feeling very well.

i think of his as almost a similar case as mine. only diff is, mine is parent's objection. Had i insisted in doing my way, would i be happier now? in fact, i always think of it that i might be cursing and swearing whenever i am running my SOC especially when i am in my 30s. And it somehow console me a little that i didn't put my signature onto that dotted line.

however, my passion as a career soldier had not die off. though i can't see myself signing on now or in the future, i am still looking forward to the day my ICT come. Complaining abt it when it come is one thing, but i believe it will indeed be one good chance to at least fulfill that little wish of mine as a soldier.

Sometimes i wonder, had i not been to OCS, would i had wanted to sign on? i guess i pretty much still will. after all i applied to become a regular 3 mths before entering the service. only to have a single 'NO' to totally burst that "green bubble" of mine.

i guess having a laid-back attitude is wrong. when i was asked by someone abt how's one of my mod's result. i replied with "not too bad" and instead of a "orh" as a reply. i got this instead. "your not too bad is just pass right?"
hmm, i just want to clarify this. when i say i don't bother with result, i don't mean that i will not put in effort. it just mean that i believe the process is more important than the result. And like any other things, i do put in effort and do it. Just that the results had not gone my way. Anyway, i don't want to bother much. after all, having a perfect result like a "first class honour" doesn't make one a wonderful worker/boss. it just mean s/he is good in academic stuff. when it come to the real world of working environment, things will change and i believe not all academically smarter people will excel and likewise not all academically weaker people will suffer. At least i believe i won't.

i shall practice "hear/see/know" and forget attitude. i should just shut myself out from the outside world and instead concentrate on my ownself.

i shall explain my quote from the previous post.
i wish things can go back to the past. of cos it is impossible, but somehow i really wish to at least to find back myself. the least i want back is my decisiveness. i really wish to be out of this complication and let all the trouble behind me. somehow i just feel too weak to do it.
a case of indecisiveness? or a case of sympathy? or even the fact that i didn't let it go like i thought i did?

当世界不知不觉的变了。
有时候我怀念以前的我。

i really wish for the 2 mths in germany to come.
At least i am away.
away from everyone i know~~~~