Emo!

first, HAPPY 23RD BIRTHDAY CLIFFORD!!

second, tennis in the morning with HS, Wei and KG, super pai sei as the balls keep flying into other people court. But no choice, we are "noob". LOL. anyway, i have decided to invest in a new racket since i am going to get xy and xh for more tennis sessions provided they don't ps me. And will be waiting for HS to buy his since he say quite fun despite playing for the first time today.
Pizza lunch. 2 pizza plus lots of add on for the 4 of us. But it is still NOT full for me! Guess my appetite had increased again. Buffet anyone?
Home and i slept the whole afternoon before dinner again.
First time since a long time that my MSN is quiet. got to appreciate it especially at this moment.

alright that's all!

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i find my family so funny. we can walk past each other in the streets and just walk past each other like strangers do. sometimes, i do wonder what is wrong with them. On the surface, everyone see us as a complete family, having parents and children all living one roof. but i know the problems do exist. Perhaps, i am the main problem. everyone seems to forgive him but i just can't. i will never open my mouth and talk to him. Never will i ask him for anything. Despite the fact that there are time he will ask me stuff, but all i do was to give him cold shoulder and walk off. to others, it seems to be disrespectful, but when i do show respect, who the hell show me? She do talk to him now despite the fact that i say she should not, but she heard none of it. however, when problems occur, why is it me that will be at the receiving end of the grumbling? Of cos i will want to hear none of it and ended up in heated argument. off she goes complaining to her sisters about how much she regret giving birth to me and how she should not have "given up" on that daughter? WTH! if things can be made simpler if that sister of mine is around, i rather be replaced. thing that i cannot take is not only am i being grumbled on one person but 2 instead instead. And my own problem will be nagged on and on as well. Being nagged on my own problem is fair enough but definitely not along with the other 2. Aunts had told me to be more understanding since i am so close to her, however, as understanding as i can get, i do feel frustrated and who can i talk the prob to? basically NO ONE. i cannot be telling any relatives as the end result will be asking me to show understanding. And definitely not friends, i myself feel so PS to say out. Anyway, everything is fine now BUT my senses tell me that things will turn ugly soon. REAL SOON!

Patience had run super low recently. need to keep it in check. temper is no good too. Guess i really need to control it better especially when i do not wish to say any more wrong things to strain relationship. I cannot get things done if i don't control. Mrs J. C said during one "meet the parents" session that i am too emotional and sensitive. I guess i am really one. a simple action or even a simplest word/sentence can make me low for a long time. got to get a grip!

wondering what am i procrastinating about. Maybe i just can't be certain if it is the right move. or perhaps i am just fearing rejection! I wish i have been more firm in my decision. Disappointing with myself!